There’s always that person. That one with the great hair, the hot body, the deft fingers and excellent bedroom technique.
That person you loath the second they open their mouth. They don’t realize that the pitch of their voice is like nails grating on a chalkboard. They have the worst laugh, the one that puts Janice from Friends to shame.
The VēDO Quaker is that person.
Material and Appearance
This marks the first time I’ve used a silicone butt toy. With ulcerative colitis, many days I find myself feeling sensitive or fragile. Previously, I had only tried stainless steel, as it has absolutely no drag and comes in smaller, more beginner-friendly sizes than glass toys. I could use silicone lube, which would last longer than water-based, so I wouldn’t need to worry about things getting gunky, dry, or uncomfortable during play.
The Quaker is a stiff set of silicone anal beads, so shouldn’t be used with silicone lubricants. These beads are a slight increase in size from the beads of the njoy Fun Wand, which I absolutely adore, in large (or rather, small) part because it’s the perfect size for a beginner. Because of the similarity in size, I decided it would be a simple step up for me in my anal explorations.
Another thing to note in using silicone products for anal play is that they may hold onto butt smell, depending on the quality and type of silicone. The benefit to the stainless steel toys I’ve used previously is that they don’t hold onto butt smell. Luckily, in thoroughly cleaning the Quaker after use, I haven’t yet noticed any lingering scent.
The main feature that sets these beads apart from others, besides their stiff rather than stringed form, is that it ‘vibrates.’ On the very bottom of the toy is a white plastic base that unscrews for battery insertion (a single AAA). A silver button is on the underside of the base, easy placement for changing ‘vibration’ settings during use.
If you can’t already tell from my use of ‘’ around the word ‘vibration,’ then I’ll spell out the problem for you. Whatever you do, don’t use the ‘vibrations’. Just fucking don’t.
The Very Bad
The ‘vibrations’ are shit. Shittier than shit. They are INCREDIBLY shallow, buzzy, and weak. I can barely feel them when I’m holding the vibrator in my hand, and while the sound gets higher pitched and buzzy at the press of a button, the ‘vibrations’ themselves hardly change in any truly noticeable way. I can honestly say that these are the worst ‘vibrations’ I have ever felt in my three years in sex retail and one year of blogging. The make the Wahl 4120-600 feel like the Magic Wand.
The appeal of this toy is entirely reliant on the shape and material. The Quaker is only labeled as a vibrator because it has a battery compartment. This toy is a waste of a good battery. The ‘vibration’ kind of tickles, but in an uncomfortable, annoying way. It completely kills the mood and makes me not want to touch the thing again.
Thing is, I actually enjoy this toy, and want to touch it again. Just not when it’s ‘vibrating.’ I like the way the beads slowly fill me up. I like that I’m increasing the sizes I’m using. I can orgasm from inserting this toy and using an external vibrator on its lowest setting.
However, there is another problem, and I think it has to do with the shape. I can only make it to the third bulb on the toy. After the second bulb, I struggle to conquer the third. At that point, the tip of the toy begins to feel pokey and uncomfortable. When using the njoy Fun Wand, I can take advantage of a large portion of the toy. The Fun Wand is curved, and never feels pokey. I think the Quaker would seriously benefit from having a curve. The intestines are a mass of curvy tubes, not a stripper pole.
Another thing I have difficulty with is, as I feared, lube. The silicone has a slight drag, and the water-based lube I need to use with it gets dry after a bit, making it that much more difficult to insert or remove the toy. I begin to crave the silicone lube and stainless steel toys, because silicone lube lasts forever. With my sensitive system, I also begin to fear I may hurt or tear something.
I enjoy the size of the bulbs. I like the toy. But it’s definitely not perfect. It’s not even close. I enjoyed it, but I don’t feel comfortable recommending it. I’m still just beginning my explorations into anal territory, but already I’ve noticed that it’s really difficult to find a vibrating butt toy that is truly beginner friendly, much less one with decent vibrations. Hopefully I’ll find something soon that I love, and feel good about recommending. For now, I’ll stick to my non-vibrating stainless steel.